Stop touching your face.
I want to better myself as a person. Every day, I think if I can do a little more, then I'll get a little better, and then I'll become more likable, or more proficient, or more skilled, and maybe more attractive, or perhaps more socially-capable.
Though, I struggle to reach any point of self-satisfaction, and I am still trying to troubleshoot the cause. Is there actually too much on my plate for me to physically do? I want to be active, and study, and muster the energy to socialize, and relax, and listen to music, and make art, and write, and play with my cat, and talk to my family back at home, and play video games and go outside to take pictures of the beautiful town I live in, and get enough sleep after all is said and done.
But I can’t do them all. In fact, if I have fulfilled even two of these things in a given day, then I have pushed myself to an extreme in effort, and will feel the exhaustion from such things compounding for the rest of the remaining days of the week. Maybe I'm always tired, or I have some brain fog that stops me from working as fast as I need to. Is my brain not working efficiently enough, like am I stupid and just not operating at the right pace? Are the foods I'm eating bad? Do I need more calories to continue gaining muscle, or amphetamines to keep me attentive, or more than five-six hours of sleep to let my mind idle, or time-management schedules, or reprioritization? Which is best? Why? And how do I do them?
Stop touching your face.
If I want to be better at something - let’s say in this instance - writing. I will write after I've finished work for the day. But first, I need to exercise and eat, because my body is most important. And also after I'm done studying Japanese for the day, because that is a skill that is pretty much essential to my existence.
It is not just that one must attend all these things promptly - they must excel during each, and apply the maximum effort. If I do not commit an adequate amount of time and reach an adequate amount of weight, then I will not get stronger. If I don’t apply the Japanese I study every single day, then I am wasting the time spent learning it to begin with. And eat this amount of calories, and go shopping for these things, and then ignore your mood, because it is getting in the way of your output. And brush your teeth before you go to sleep.
This is all to say that while, in theory, my current job is significantly less intensive than the last (though I wonder that sometimes, honestly), and my motivation to do life-things is at an all-time high, and I sleep less than everyone else I know, I still feel behind, and less capable, and maybe just overall more stupid?
I wonder how to solve this conflict within myself, or if I even can. I feel like I've had this internal conflict for a long time. If I keep trying, then maybe that one nervous tic of mine will finally go away.
Stop touching your face. Your acne will get worse.